Santa is Infinitely Cooler than Jesus

Since someone decided to blame all their problems on Santa (no joke), I think the old dude deserves a break

Santa's punishments are much less severe than Jesus's. Seriously: eternal damnation or a lump of coal and the opportunity to spend a year righting the wrongs?

Santa encourages betterment and giving. There is no time of year where charities get more donations than Christmas. And that's the only time of year we see much of Santa. Coincidence? I think not.

Santa encourages personal responsibility. *You* messed up, now *you* need to fix it. *You* are responsible for the giving. If your gift sucks, it's your fault.



Santa set absolutely no regulations on what defines "naughty" and "nice". It's really up to you to decide and place judgement. Everyone decides what Jesus says is bad or good anyway, at least Santa is up front about it.

Santa gives presents to everyone, regardless of religion. Giving is universal. Hell is for the nonbelievers.

Obsession

While at the recent Fellowship Christmas party, I made a casual mention of OCS. C of course rolled her eyes at me as if to say "Dear God, here she goes again." Now, I have rarely talked about OCS to the other girls. The Marine Corps however, is sort of my life. C knows me well enough to know this. Why yes, there I go again with my obsession.

It leads me to wonder how unusual it is, or isn't. Doesn't everyone have an obsession? C has several, but the biggest one is her health. There is simply something ALWAYS wrong with her, always an excuse to be unhappy. I work with a young man who is obsessed with body building. He is always talking about it, reading about it, and thinking about it in everything he does. The cat Nazi is obsessed with procedure. It rules every thing she does. Brittney is obsessed with Bobby. In turn, Bobby is obsessed with Brittney (whether he likes it or not). George is obsessed with dancing.

Everyone has some fixation. Something we don't ever really stop thinking about, something that governs our choices and impacts our desires. There are women who only date rockstars. There are rockstars who never stop writing music. Artists who never stop creating. Hypochondriacs who never stop diagnosing. Soldiers who never stop soldiering. Students who never stop reading. Lawyers who overanalyze everything they see. Mothers who obsess over their children incessantly. Teenage girls spend hours pouring over themselves in their mirrors, desperate to define themselves. Athletes never really stop training.

Are these addictions? Are they just a way of life? At what point does it become too much? When it becomes something negative is the easy answer. But there is always someone who will view your obsession as something negative, someone who will feel superior because they don't share your obsession.


No real answer, just pondering.

Goodbye, little boy

"So how's your day going?" The customer's question is innocent enough. He's having a fine day. It doesn't occur to him that I spend day in and day out behind that register. Beautiful days like today are a waste for me. He doesn't realize that a customer just roller her eyes at me and shook her head disdainfully because I forgot to ask her if she wanted cash back before closing out the sale. That kind of treatment from someone who doesn't know that her debit card can also be run as a credit and doesn't get that the green button means "enter" and the red button with a large "X" on it means "cancel". Yes, I'm the airhead between the two of us. And this is how I get treated on beautiful days where I can't even go outside.

It's certainly not like this all the time, not even for the majority of customers. Most are amicable and understanding people. It's that constant 5% who just never fully get it, never stop to look outside of their own sad little lives, who make work an exercise in Chinese torture.

I was at OCS long enough to be broken down, but not to be built back up. I came home a broken person, physically and mentally. One sour turn of events after another hasn't exactly contributed to my healing.

I used to be so strong, and now I lookin the mirror and I see this pathetic whiney girl who can no longer fix herself. When did I become this person? At what point to I pick myself up off the ground and shake the dirt off?

I'm sick of living like this. My life isn't what I thought it would be, but it isn't over. Time for a new plan.

Happy 232nd Birthday, Marines!

This was taken from the Marine Corps Times.


On Nov. 10, the Marine Corps turns 232 years old. Ever since it was formed in a Philadelphia bar in 1775, the Corps has given Marines countless reasons to take pride in the heritage of their organization.

There is no shortage of instances in which Marine units and individuals have distinguished themselves in battle, but the bragging rights earned over the past 232 years weren't all born on the battlefield.

The Corps' culture sets it apart from other branches of the military in ways that those who have never earned the eagle, globe and anchor find difficult to fully understand. But what is obvious to even the most casual observer is that Marines distinguish themselves through their unique appearance, spirit and accomplishments.

To know the Corps is to love the Corps, which is why Marine Corps Times compiled the following list of 232 reasons to stand proudly at this year's birthday ball.


1. Cpl. Jason Dunham. First Marine to receive the Medal of Honor since Vietnam. If jumping on a grenade to save a buddy isn't worth the top of the list, nothing is.

2. Civilians have to find time to go to the gym. Marines get paid to go.

3. The National Museum of the Marine Corps. It's like a Smithsonian of leatherneck.

4. There's no such thing as an "ex" Marine.

5. Re-enlistment rates are higher IN the war zone.

6. Stink-proof socks. Well, almost. Systems Command is working on them.

7. Jalapeño cheese.

8. "Every Marine Into the Fight."

9. Lump-sum re-enlistment bonuses up to $80,000. Many of you would consider doing it for free.

10. New uniforms #1. Pixel-pattern cammies? Yeah, the Corps came up with that.

11. "Doc."

12. Flexed arm hang is harder than it looks. We tried it.

13. Barracks parties on non-payday weekends.

14. Marine Gunners.

15. The Wounded Warrior Regiment.

16. MarAdmin 266/07: Letting 18-year-old Marines drink on base at this year's birthday ball.

17. No receipt necessary for travel claim expenses less than $75.

18. The lance corporal underground.

19. Fallujah II.



21. Archibald Henderson's couch, re-upholstered, is still in the commandant's living room.

22. "No better friend, no worse enemy."

23. Typhoons approaching Okinawa often spark islandwide beer runs.

24. Waivers.

25. Gen. James Jones, who followed his tour as commandant with appointment as "supreme intergalactic overlord" (OK, it was Supreme Allied Commander, Europe, but close).

26. 10 rounds from the 500-yard line.

27. Per diem.

28. To civilians, every Marine is recon.

29. Recruiting in Texas is like hunting at the zoo.

30. The "boat cloak." Because every super hero needs a cape.

31. You can re-enlist in the IRR.

32. The wallet in your sock.

33. Motivating television commercials.

34. The "horse shoe" haircut, gone but not forgotten.

35. The global address list. Find your buddies and send them links to Marine Corps Times.

36. Running cadences that mention napalm. And Eskimos.

37. Stories that begin with, "So there I was ..."

38. Modified parade rest.

39. The transformation. Who you are when you join is not nearly as important as who you become.

40. Lt. Gen. Jim Mattis getting a fourth star.

41. If you've been on liberty in Twentynine Palms, you've been on liberty in Yuma and Barstow, too.

42. Grooming standards. Not only can you not act like a thug, you cannot look like a thug.

43. It's not the Army.

44. Women in Manhattan have all seen the Fleet Week episode of "Sex and the City."

45. Combat shotguns.

46. Combat Action Ribbons. IEDs count now, and should have counted all along. Duh.

47. The occasional free beer. Wear your blues into a bar and see what happens.

48. After decades of debate, there remains no resolution on whether sand fleas trump "The Reaper."

49. The Corps' doesn't call its officers, commissioned or not, "petty."

50. Cpl. Gareth Hawkins, lying on a stretcher after an IED shattered his leg, demanded re-enlistment before medical evacuation. And got it.

51. Whereas Army, Navy and Air Force jokes are funny, Marine jokes are potentially dangerous.

52. The occasional friendly debate. Refer to a Marine staff noncommissioned officer simply as "sergeant," and see what happens.

53. That troublesome "10 percent," making good Marines look great since 1775.

54. Everyone at a high school reunion is obliged to justify his last 10 years, except the guy wearing alphas.

55. As if ranks that include the words "master" and "gunnery" aren't intimidating enough on their own, the Corps uses them both. At once.

56. Soldiers have Hooah Bars. Marines have Ka-Bars. The second will generally get you the first.

57. The dress code. You can wear your cammies to meet the commandant or repair a tank.

58. From "Aliens" to "Doom," the future vision of warfare almost always includes Space Marines.

59. The Corps was formed in a bar.

60. Marines predicted the WWII campaigns in the Pacific years earlier and prepared for the inevitable. So when a Marine says, "Hey, I've been thinking ..." perhaps you should take notes.

61. Give a Marine some free time, and he'll rip down your dictator's statue.

62. If it ain't raining, we ain't training.

64. Duty station garden spots: Jacksonville, N.C.; Yuma, Ariz.; Bridgeport, Calif.; Twentynine Palms, Calif. (Yes, we're kidding.)

65. Making morning PT on time.

66. Recruiters who promise everything EXCEPT a rose garden.

67. Mustangs #1. It's easier to take crap from a CO who went to boot camp.

69. Gen. Peter Pace, the first Marine chairman of the Joint Chiefs. He left his four-star insignia with his fallen comrades at the Vietnam Wall when he retired.

Nice move.

70. The people zapper. Using microwave energy to disperse a crowd sounds like fun. Semper fry, gunny.

71. Nothing says "Good morning" like a mouthful of Copenhagen and freeze-dried coffee.

72. Nothing says "I love you" like a welcome home sheet hanging on a chain-link fence.

73. Bill Barnes. In June, the former Marine beat the crap out of a 27-year-old pickpocket who tried to make off with his dough. Oh yeah, he's 72.

74. Leftwich Trophy. Heisman winners only think they know about leaving it all on the field.

75. EOD. If you don't know why this is on the list, defuse the next IED yourself.

76. Tax-free combat pay. Doing what you signed up for and not having to give Uncle Sam a dime back.

77. Montford Point Marines. The first African-American Marines know a little something about honor, courage and commitment.

78. Front toward enemy. It's not just a visual reference on a Claymore mine, it's a Marine Corps way of life.

79. Mustangs #2. You know at least three Marines who drive them. It's like a Ford dealership exploded on base.

80. Fred Smith, founder of FedEx. Only a former Marine could truly appreciate the value of getting your mail on time.

81. CMC: The tallest member of the Joints Chiefs. OK, so we haven't actually measured, but he looks the tallest anyway.

82. No more spit shining boots.

83. Chuck Norris was in the Air Force. Steve McQueen was a Marine.



84. The Crucible.

85. 1/9, 2/9 and 3/9. Welcome back, fellas.

86. The FROG uniform. You are now sweat-wickin' AND flame-lickin'.

88. The M4. More rifles in the fight is generally a win-win.

89. MRAPs. Trucks straight out of Mad Max. We still love a good Humvee, but we loved jeeps, too. Things change.

90. Arty guys who do civil affairs. They blow it up, then they fix it. Circle of life.

91. Service Charlies. They look so good, the Navy's copying 'em.

92. Fake Marines. No one eats 'em up faster than real Marines.

93. John Lovell. A 71-year-old former Marine is sitting in a Subway restaurant when two armed men try to rob the place. Lovell grabs his .45, kills one and wounds the other. No word on how Lovell's sandwich fared.

94. 3rd Battalion, 5th Marines. Six Navy Crosses so far. Six.

95. Staff Sgt. Lawrence Dean II, aka the "BadAss Marine." He recites a poem. He gets uploaded to YouTube. Thousands get motivated.

96. Gen. James Conway takes over as the new commandant. Among his demands: a new PT uniform, new tattoo regs, a plan to add dress blues to the seabag, a change-up in medals and 22,000 more Marines. Someone's been thinking about taking over for a while, huh?

97. Body-fat standards. Everyone hates them, until they see a fat Marine.

98. "Jarhead." Only a former Marine could write a war story about not fighting anyone and make it last for 200 pages, then get Jamie Foxx to star in the movie.

99. The Stumps. The Rock. The Sandbox. Oh, the places you'll serve.

101. Tattoos #2. Getting a fallen friend's name tattooed on your other forearm, and knowing the same.

102. The new PT running suit. Sure, the Army had them first, but the Army gets most things first.

103. Marine expeditionary units: The cheapest cruise you'll ever take.

104. Camp Lejeune: The closest interstate and the nearest good shopping mall are both at least an hour away.

105. Camp Pendleton: There are roads and malls, but try affording a house near the main gate.

106. Tattoos #3. Meat tags. Getting your blood type and other info inked on your ribcage isn't necessarily a bad idea.

107. The Marine Corps is getting bigger. The Navy is getting smaller.

109. 30 days' paid vacation, plus federal holidays off, is obscene by civilian standards.

110. Maj. Gen. Marion E. Carl, the Corps' first fighter ace. First Marine to fly a helicopter. Two Navy Crosses, five Distinguished Flying Crosses, 14 air medals. In 1998, the 82-year-old was killed during a home break-in when he jumped in front of a shotgun blast aimed at his longtime wife, Edna.

111. Tattoos #4. Reaction to the new policy: Conway says sleeves are going away, Marines run for the chair. Tattoo parlors never saw so much business.

113. Guaranteed pay raises.

114. Marine Security Guard #1. Duty in the Bahamas.

115. Having a WWII Marine say he's proud of you

116. Drew Carey used to be in the Marine Corps Reserve. Now, he's the host of "The Price is Right."

117. Combatant diver pins. No more of that Navy crap.

118. A Red Stripe is a beer, mon. A Blood Stripe is a symbol of pride.

119. NMCI, if only they would remove the "MC."

120. You watched "300," and it reminded you of your unit.

121. The "Det One" .45 pistol. Designed by Marines, for Marines.

122. Combat marksmanship. You are creeping death. And you get graded on it.

123. Never lost six nukes on a plane.

124. CamelBaks. Water tastes like water again.

125. Give a Marine enough free time, and he'll marry your Bahraini princess.

126. Go to YouTube. Type in "bored Marines." Enjoy.

127. When the president gets on a helicopter, it's not called "Army One."

128. The opposite of the Peace Corps.

129. Camouflage. You can camouflage anything and make it cool.

130. No Fear #1. Marines aren't scared of anything. Except apricots. And Charms.

131. Combat optics on M16s. Leave the iron sights, just in case.

132. "Combat loss" amnesty for missing gear. It's like pleading the fifth.

133. Riding a chartered Continental Airlines flight home from the war zone with assault weapons stuffed in all the overhead compartments.

134. In combat, the division band becomes a heavy-machine-gun platoon.

135. What do headaches, broken bones, infectious diseases, missing limbs and hurt feelings all have in common? Motrin. Thanks, Doc.

137. Global instability equals job security.

138. When NMCI goes down, and it will, it's like having the day off.

139. The honor, privilege and responsibility of leading, mentoring and caring for junior Marines.

140. Gunnery sergeants. Don't know the answer? Ask the gunny. Need something? Ask the gunny. In trouble? Avoid the gunny.

141. Because gunny said so.

142. The line to get "tazed" at a military gear expo. Marines will do anything for a free T-shirt.

143. Deployment reunions. Like reliving your wedding night. Sweet!

144. Gig lines. Even in khakis and a polo shirt.

145. Eight-point covers. Even the uniform stands at attention.

146. Marine Security Guards #2. They're not cute and cuddly, but when they greet you at the door, it's like getting a great big hug from the United States of America, no matter where you are.

147. The Mameluke sword. Distinctive.

148. The NCO sword. Earned, never given.

149. The World Famous Mud Run. Thousands of people pay good money to run through 10 clicks of muck every year at Camp Pendleton.

150. John Philip Sousa. A Marine, the nation's March King and composer of "The Stars and Stripes Forever." Ooh-rah.

151. MRE crackers. Hard as Milk Bones but much tastier. You can almost feel your teeth getting cleaner as you eat 'em.

152. Jane Wayne Day. She'll never ask about work again.

153. Shirt stays. Or garters. Whatever you call them, they're a triple whammy, keeping your shirt tucked, your socks up and removing all that unwanted leg hair.

154. The slogans: "The Few, The Proud, The Marines." "We're Looking For a Few Good Men," "Once a Marine, always a Marine," "Tell that to the Marines." If they could only purchase the rights to Hallmark's "When You Care Enough to Send the Very Best."

155. Speaking of slogans, "The Few, The Proud, The Marines" beat out such notables as Nike's "Just Do It" and Burger King's "Have It Your Way" for a 2007 spot on the advertising Walk of Fame. Better luck next year, losers.

157. Real duty station garden spots you can go an entire career without being assigned to: Southern California; Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii; Okinawa, Japan.

158. Rear-party Marines. God bless them. Whatever reason they stay behind - injury, impending retirement or being volun-told - they are indispensable. They deserve medals for what they have to deal with while a unit is deployed.

159. While field-grade officers are at the company office, company-grade officers are in the field.



160. Colonels who can take a joke.

161. Free flu shots. And smallpox shots and anthrax shots ...

162. Former Sgt. Chris Everhart. While camping with his three sons in June 2007, a bear snatched their cooler and made a play for his 6-year-old. Everhart threw an 18-inch log at the bear's head, cracking its skull before it could attack and killing it instantly. Then, the park ranger gave him a ticket for leaving the cooler where the bear could get it.

163. Standards. The Corps doesn't lower the bar when recruiting gets tough.

164. Jim Nabors. "Gomer Pyle" becomes an honorary Marine in 2001 and makes lance corporal. It takes him six years to pin on corporal. Talk about art imitating life.

165. Vincent D'Onofrio. The other "Private Pyle" is doing pretty well on "Law and Order: Criminal Intent." He's still weird, though.

166. If you ambush Capt. Brian Chontosh's boys, he's going to take off his Navy Cross and kill you. Then, he's going to pick up your rifle and kill your buddies. Then, he's going to pick up your buddy's rifle and kill your buddy's buddies. Then, he's going to pick up a rocket-propelled grenade launcher ...

167. Speaking of the Navy Cross, a combat award second only to the Medal of Honor, Marines have earned 15 so far in Iraq, plus one in Afghanistan. Of the six awarded to sailors for those combat zones, five went to SEALs, and one went to a corpsman who exposed himself repeatedly to enemy fire to evacuate and treat wounded Marines. Along with Chontosh, the other recipients include:

168. Gunnery Sgt. Justin D. Lehew.

169. Lance Cpl. Joseph B. Perez.

170. Sgt. Scott C. Montoya.

171. Cpl. Marco A. Martinez.

172. Sgt. Willie L. Copeland.

173. Capt. Brent Morel (posthumous).

174. Sgt. Anthony L. Viggiani.

175. 1st Sgt. Bradley A. Kasal.

176. Cpl. Robert J. Mitchell.

177. Cpl. Dominic Esquibel.

178. Sgt. Jarrett A. Kraft.

179. Cpl. Jeremiah W. Workman.

180. Cpl. Todd Corbin.

181. Sgt. Aubrey L. McDade Jr.

182. Pfc. Christopher Adlesperger (posthumous).

183. Hospital Corpsman 3rd Class Louis E. Fonseca.

184. Iwo JIMA. Japan might have changed the name to Iwo To, but that doesn't mean you have to acknowledge it.

185. Col. John Ripley. Received the Navy Cross for the destruction of the Dong Ha bridge in Vietnam. The Corps takes care of its own. In 2002, with Ripley near death, doctors finally found a donated liver for his much-needed transplant. So the Marine Corps sent helicopters and Marines to Philadelphia to retrieve it, and they personally rushed it back to Washington in time to save his life.

186. Marine Corps Times isn't a version of Navy Times anymore. How many careers get their own newspaper?

188. Gatorade bottles wrapped in green, 100 mph tape so as not to offend the sailors in the room.

189. Camaraderie. Marines will hook you up with their sisters, then punch you in the mouth for doing what they knew would happen the whole time.

190. Ingenuity. MRE bombs, 101 uses for cleaning rods and iPods wired into field radio speakers.

191. Getting off the ship.

192. Getting back on the ship.

193. No beach? No problem. Marines inserted 400 miles into landlocked Afghanistan and created Camp Rhino using CH-53 Sea Stallions. Imagine what you can invade with the Osprey.

194. Cases and cases of bottled water mean never having to stand behind a water bull.

195. Race as a nonissue. It wasn't always the case, but three black sergeants major of the Marine Corps in a row show that the Corps has only one color: green.

196. Every day in the Corps is another reason to celebrate. That's why they call them working "parties."

197. Riddick Bowe had what it took to be boxing's undisputed heavyweight champ. He did not have what it took to be a Marine.

198. The U.S. Army Band is called "Pershing's Own." The U.S. Marine Corps Band is called "The President's Own."

199. "8th and I." Ten bucks says you have no idea where the Army chief of staff lives. Commandants don't hide.

200. MRE "rat boxes." How grunts trick-or-treat.

201. The poncho liner. It's a blanket, it's a tent, it's a keeper.

202. Combat fit-reps. People say they're equal to regular fit-reps. People lie.

203. The "E-tool lean." Sailors don't know how good they have it.

204. Navy Lt. Vincent Capodanno, Medal of Honor recipient. If Marines have a hot line to heaven, Father Capodanno - aka the Grunt Padre - would take the call.

His body peppered by shrapnel, his right hand nearly severed, the Navy chaplain and priest crisscrossed a Vietnam battlefield Sept. 4, 1967, to render last rites to his fallen Marines and corpsmen with 3rd Battalion, 5th Marines, until 27 rounds from an enemy machine gun took his life. Last year, the Vatican declared him a "servant of God." Next step, sainthood?

206. Amphibious warfare means always being near the beach.

207. No Fear #2. Talk about the AV-8B Harrier's troubled past all you like, but brave jump jet pilots are flying missions in Iraq.

208. New Uniforms #2. Wash-and-wear combat uniforms mean no more starch, no more dry cleaning.

209. Marine air-ground task force. Nothing like controlling the air and the ground.

210. Slapping an eagle, globe and anchor on the back of your car and knowing it'll get you out of at least one speeding ticket.

211. The Navy wants to put Marines back on warships. It seems that Tomahawk cruise missiles can't do everything.

212. Liberty in Thailand.

213. Liberty in Australia.

214. Liberty, well, anywhere.

215. The Navy's mascot is a goat. The Corps' mascot is a bulldog. You don't need Michael Vick to tell you who wins that fight.

216. If you need another occupying land force, you can use the Marine Corps. If you need another rapidly deployable, sea-based, front-door-kicking, air-ground team, you can't use the Army.

217. 1775 Rum Punch. Four parts dark rum, two parts lime juice, one part pure maple syrup, grenadine to taste.

218. "It's fun to shoot some people," said Lt. Gen. Jim Mattis. He says what he thinks.

219. The Beirut Memorial Wall. If you ever forget what you're fighting for, pay a visit.

221. "Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Weinburg? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to." Jack Nicholson, "A Few Good Men."

222. Maj. Meghan McClung, Marine public affairs officer, killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq while escorting media. The PAO is more than just a spokesman.

223. Sgt. Rafael Peralta. Like Dunham, he hugged a grenade to save his buddies in Iraq. No Medal of Honor ... yet.

224. Hearing an accidental discharge into the clearing barrel, then waiting for the lieutenant to walk inside.

225. Call signs like "Spider" and "Assassin," and these guys were generals.

227. Buttered noodles for breakfast.

228. "Every Marine should look like a Marine. But a Marine looks like a Marine when he's got a bayonet stuck in the enemy's chest." Gen. Robert Magnus, assistant commandant, discussing body-fat standards.

229. "Infantry" is the easiest job for recruiters to sell.

230. Being the youngest Marine at the ball.

231. Being the oldest Marine at the ball.

232. Marine Corps Times appreciates all you do. Happy birthday, Marines!


_________________

Ten Movies that Everyone Should Watch on Halloween

Since I work basically all the time, my heart breaks this Halloween. I'm missing most of the great programming that comes on this time of year. It makes me year for years past and remember those movies that scream, "It's Halloween!". Now you have horror movies, then you have movies that belong on television on Halloween. Here are ten that, at least to this blogger, bring out all the creepiness, gore, witches, ghosts, and the basic necessities that make Halloween the best holiday of the year. In no particular order:

1) Halloween. How could I not list this film first? The entire plot is based on the holiday and AMC plays this little gem (and all of its gem sequels) all day and night long on Halloween. "Halloween" set the standard for teen slasher flicks. All the rules of modern horror? They came from "Halloween" and the boundaries it set. Much of the fright-factor comes from two basic plot elements: horror in suburbia, and being chased by a guy in a mask on Halloween. This guy could be anyone, he's wearing a mask! Unlike other horror movies, the masked killer actually fits in. It is Halloween, afterall. This could be the guy walking ten steps behind you while you take your kids trick or treating. The late sixties saw a rise in slasher films like this, but few took place in your own neighborhood. Jamie Lee's character is secluded with neighbors all around. You think your safe because your neighbor can see into your living room? Think again.


2) Hocus Pocus. I grew up with this movie, and to this day it is still one of my favorites. Also taking place on Halloween, "Hocus Pocus" isn't quite the slice-em-up fest that "Halloween" is. It's a Disney movie, and it's great. The three witches are hysterical, there's a talking cat, a little teen romance, and a zombie. Great fun for the whole family!


3) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This film has almost no plot and its entire purpose is to show you the true ugliness of the American family unit. They're cannibals, chasing around a bunch of stoned teenagers in the 70's. As with anything good and Halloween related, there's a guy in a mask! It's just a mask made out of a human face. Interestingly, this movie isn't actually that gorey. No, really. A trick to this movie is the *implied* gore of what's going on. What your brain imagines is probably worse than anything they can actually put to film, so they let you do that. The image of Leatherface is so ingrained that it is one of the most popular Halloween costumes out there for men, and it never stops scaring the kids. And adults, too.


4) The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. No, not that Johnny Depp film. The 1949 Disney short that for many years Disney played every Halloween night. Yet another classic with which I grew up, I'm biased I guess. That image of a skinny, nearly silent Ichabod Crane has never left me. Sorry Johnny, you just didn't do it for me. It breaks my heart that Disney no longer shows this and it's almost impossible to find a copy (I don't think it's even been formatted to DVD). However, if you can, take the 34 minutes to watch it. It puts a smile on your face and inspires some serious pumpkin carving.

5) Scream. The ultimate horror spoof. Wes Craven is such a genius, that he managed to make a spoof actually scary. Taking most of its cues from "Halloween", it unabashedly rips off most slasher movies made since then. It still manages originality and genuine fright. The late-nineties saw a rebirth of teen slasher films, and "Scream" was their godfather. Instead of the uber-depressing films of the 70's that played on the horror that is humanity, and the awful campiness of the 80's, "Scream" incorporated intelligent humor to keep things light, while throwing in just enough darkness to keep it scary. It's a brilliant homage to John Carpenter and it has yet to get old. The sequels to it sucked, but the original never fails as good background music for a Halloween party.


6) The Amityville Horror. This is a toss-up between the original and the 2005 remake. With the original, you have, you know, a good movie. With the remake, you get Ryan Reynolds shirtless. Take your pick. I prefer the original, but I do love me some shirtless Ryan Reynolds. "Amityville Horror" plays on one of our most basic fears: our own homes. It takes the standard old-house-bad-history route, but what is more scary than your own house possessing you? You're supposed to possess the house, not the other way around. It has very creepy music and you won't be able to turn off any lights in your house for a week after watching it. The image of the house itself is iconic as the ultmiate haunted house. Those gags you neighbor does every year are downright lame in comparison.


7) Shaun of the Dead. Okay so "Night of the Living Dead" and its 17 sequels are considered the archetype of all zombie film, "Shaun of the Dead" does what those other movies can't: it laughs at itself. Like "Scream", it's actually a spoof, taking from most zombie films in the past and mocking them incessently. Also like "Scream", it's both hilarious and actually scary. There is more realism to "Shaun" than in any other zombie film I've seen. The characters are goofy, real people, who do strange things because they just aren't thinking clearly. Heck, Shaun doesn't even notice his city is turning into zombie-central for several hours. You shouldn't want to kill yourself after a Halloween movie marathon, so "Shaun" is quite perfect. It's funny, it's scary, and it actually does make you think about how little you DO notice about the world around you.


8) Psycho/The Birds. This one has to be a toss-up of the two scariest Hitchcock films ever made. Hitchcock has other great thrillers, but both "Psycho" and "The Birds" hold the crown for being the most frightening. They both leave you with such a sense of unease at the end it's hard to stop thinking about them. "Psycho" birthed the most recognizable horror track ever and gave cross-dressing a whole new meaning. Really, who saw that coming? "The Birds" does for seagulls what "Jaws" did for the ocean. Both films make you scared to leave your house. Where can you possibly go that's safe? They're just plain classic and set the mood for fall colors and looking over your shoulder.


9) Carrie. Oh, who could forget "Carrie"? Revenge of the nerds at its finest. "Carrie" really isn't that scary until the climax of the film. What makes it scary is knowing what's coming and your inability to stop it. Even those who defended her got it in the end. With great plot elements like a religious fanatic mother, telekenisis, and a good dousing with pig's blood, how can you go wrong with this on Halloween? Innocence corrupted by blood, literally. This film represents every bully's worst nightmare. Oh and it has P.J. Soles in that stupid hat. Yes, this movie is a good one with popcorn on a cool Halloween afternoon.


10) Poltergeist. Last and most certainly not least....They're heeeerrreee. That horrifyingly angelic voice. Trees coming to get you. Clown dolls coming to life. Your flesh peeling off your face in the mirror. Getting literally sucked into the TV. Every aspect of this movie is scary. It takes place in a brand new trackhome. Not your "Amityville" old house that has a history of hauntings. No, this is the place where everyone lives. How can it possibly be haunted? Until "Poltergeist", modern homes simply weren't ever thought of as places for a haunting. That door has now been opened. If you aren't having a scary enough holiday, "Poltergeist" can change that really quickly. God, I love this movie. The effects aren't great, but it combines so many scary ideas it's a great way to have a truly creepy Halloween night.

Come on to my house

So, I'm sitting here watching a gem of a reality competition called "The Search for the Next Elvira". I'm sure you can put the competition together just based on that information. Now who is competing on it??? Bridget! My personal favorite of Hef's ladies.



No joke, I want to be her when I grow up. She has a Master's Degree, but isn't a know it all (in fact is so damn chipper she gives off the impression she's not that smart). She is sweet to everyone, the type of person to act incredibly excited over a gift she absolutely hates. She doesn't gossip or talk badly about other people. She doesn't judge. She's not bone thin but still very sexy. She puts her heart and soul into every gift she gives. And like this Elvira thing, she has the confidence to put herself out there and try something wacky, regardless of how people might view it.

Yup, I have a straight girl crush on her.

I put my teeth marks on the Marine one.

THE DIFFERENCES IN THE MILITARY


US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Blue Falcon, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED
STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army,
because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over
waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any
form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a
valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by
their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other
services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me
and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After
completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating,
Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I
will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to
clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will
annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me
God!"

____________________
Signature
____________________
Date


US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my otherwise mediocre life to
the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the
ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines,
and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear
camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I
can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my
uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to
tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill
Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will
see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact
that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain
that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of
my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a
different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I
did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk
around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will
make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for
a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I
will continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look
of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will
arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave
everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will
undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job up! on
separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from
high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000
for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a
placement exam. So Help Me God!"

_____________________
Signature
_____________________
Date


US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of
my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with
Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought
the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually
live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to
swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in
1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants
I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man
during summer,! and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will
strive to use a different language than the rest of the
English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover,
geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor,
wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will
take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and
insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely
different from the other services and make absolutely no sense
whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning
unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up
around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point
that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and
still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently
busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected
for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite
possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me
Neptune!"

______________________
Signature
______________________
Date


US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize),
swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt...
kill....burn....blowup....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....sailors
wives ....whiskey....grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me God!

X____________________
Thumb Print
XX _________________________________
Teeth Marks
_____________________
Date

Scars

A young man came into my store today. His medium reg hair cut and square jaw were what first caught my attention. He wore standard business clothes and was accompanied by similarly dressed males, though none quite had his presence. Marines, whether you like it or not, you have an aura. Especially the veterans. It never goes away, even after you've been a civilian for years. This young man came through my line and had scars on his cheek I've only ever seen on Marines who've seen action in Iraq or Afghanistan. Like random bits of metal and rock had once, recently, sliced into his skin. Needless to say, his eyes were much older than his face. I began to wonder about him; what he had done and seen, how exactly he was adjusting to civilian life, if he was perhaps still in the reserves (hence his attachment to that super hair cut). Was his life turning out the way he expected? Was he happy now, or did he feel that strange detatchment from others that often overtakes veterans? He'll probably never be back, so I guess I'll never know. I do hope he finds peace one day.

Movie Review: The Kingdom

Well, my readers (all three of you) know about my taste for destruction, so The Kingdom was a natural choice for me to see this weekend. And boy, was I ever not disappointed.

One it starts, it doesn't stop. It doesn't waste time with a lot of backstory, just a run-down of American and Saudi relations throughout the 20th century and now. In fact, there almost wasn't enough backstory. I did have some trouble following who was who, but who cares? We all know from Alias that everyone likes watching Jennifer Garner kicking ass, and that's what you get in the last half hour or so of the film.

Jamie Fox and Chris Cooper (Jarhead buddies) return to reprise almost the same roles in The Kingdom. If it works, it works.

I read one review in the OC Post that lambasted the film for it's pro-American overtones (undertones are too subtle), saying that the film boils down to white guy vs. brown guy. Frankly, I didn't see it that way. Half the heroes of the movie are Saudi's, including Saudi royalty. They even made a point of humanizing the bad guys.

The movie lacks the subtle finesse of the film greats, but when you are paying $8 a ticket for entertainment, The Kingdom delivers. It obviously wants you to feel pity for the innocent American children who had their softball game blown up (no joke) and it obviously wants to make a point that this isn't about color. It was about revenge and blowing stuff up. Get your popcorn and soda and enjoy.

I'm sorry

My heart hurts right now. It aches for that feeling I had, the first time I sat down to dinner with you. The first time we laughed together over Family Guy. The first time we kissed. The first time you told me you loved me. My heart aches to feel all that again. But I don't, and the absence leaves me with a gaping hole.

As I sit here reliving the past hour or two, I keep wondering if I've just made the biggest mistake of my life, or if I've just saved us from making the biggest mistakes of our lives. I wanted so badly for you to be the one. But I don't think you are, just as I don't think I'm the one for you. And it breaks my heart.

I guess I'm sorry isn't the right phrase. I'm not sorry for all the happiness you filled my life with, or for how you helped me see that there are better things out there and I don't have to just accept what's given to me. I'm sorry for any time I've caused you pain, especially now. I wish so badly that things could be different. Perhaps with time, they will be. But not now.

I'm sorry.


I love you.

Hey, Farva!

Love It.

It's really funny to hear two different versions of the same story, especially when one story-teller is famous for her ability to make nothing her fault and blame everyone but herself for her problems.

Speaking of people who have no concept of reality, I just love hearing people go on and on about how much their lives suck when in fact I can one up them on every complaint. Such as, listening to civilian girls moan about how their boyfriends live...gasp, three hours away! How, oh how will they ever deal with long distance?? Cry me a river. Wait untl you find yourself selling off your things just to pay off debt (and I mean real debt, not a few overdraft fees). Wait until members of your family are dying off in mass, usually unexpected deaths, or are ending up prematurely and permanently crippled.

I could go on, but I'm not going to. There isn't a whole lot of point. I know there are people out there who are worse off than I am right now.

Remember kids: it can always get worse. I could be living in a box, I could have just lost my entire family in a freak accident, I could have a terminal illness.

It can always be worse, so shut the hell up and keep trucking.

Movie Review: Grease

I had a great many thoughts after my most recent viewing of Grease. The first is a thought I always have; I remember what it was like to be teased by the Girl Scouts in the third grade because I had never seen it. Teased is the wrong word. A better description is: made to feel like a social leper and outcast because I'd never seen this movie. The second thought I have is a question about the rating of this movie. In just one song they throw out lyrics like "pussywagon" and "We'll be gettin' lots of tit." This thought always brings me back to my first thought and I wonder why these girls' parents let them watch this movie at the age of 8.

Don't get me wrong, I think Grease is a classic. Great song and dance numbers, classic high school storyline, good performances all around.

What I've never really understood though is why parents are so quick to show this to young girls. The centerpiece of the plotline is that you should change yourself (into something you think is negative) to be with the guy/girl you have a crush on. Just the overt sexuality, had it been made in today's movie climate, would have garnered at the very least a solid PG-13 rating. Then you have this godawful storyline encouraging young girls to slut themselves up to win over the popular guy at school. It's horrible!

The way it was done as a film, Grease is just more appealing to younger people. It's appealing to adults in a nostalgic way. If this movie was actually made for an audience of not children, I would shrug and blame this on bad parenting. However, it was clearly targeting preteens and younger. And that's why, despite my love for this movie, I give it a thumbs down.

Two thumbs way way down for the parents who let their children watch this.

A Roller Coaster, Baby Baby!

Mine plans keep on changing. Kevin seems impressed by my flexibility. I don't know if it's flexibility, or the fact that I'm constantly looking for something new. Always a new adventure, some new life experience I can learn from.

What's not so different is my new full-time job: back at Marbella. Before you judge me, just know I'm only there because it's convenient, idiot-proof, and they agreed to pay me a ridiculous hourly wage. Really, it's obscene that a nonunion cashier is making this much money. Speed turned me onto the local YMCA gym facilities, so to afford that I will also be working there two nights a week. I'll be busy, but at least I won't have to stress so much about money.

I won't be doing the once a week class at San Marcos, but I'll be able to start there full time in the Spring. That worked itself out beautifully.

The Karate Kid is such a good movie. Elisabeth Shue manages to look exactly the same at 40 as she did at 17. That in and of itself makes it great. It makes me miss thinking hanging out at a penny arcade is cool. To be so easily, and cheaply, amused. It seems like when your options are limited, you can manage to find really great ways to have fun. Necessity is indeed the mother of invention.

Rob Macchio looks like a terrible kisser.

This will do, thanks.

I found what I want for Christmas:

http://www.techtoysforless.com/casio-exilim-exz1050-101mp-digital-camera-black-p-478.html


Thanks in advance.

Crickey!

This one time, at a rest stop somewhere in the bayou, I witnessed a fat white woman leaning over the shore with a camera. She was taking a picture of an alligator, sunning itself on the small beach. She looked just like an antelope stooping the drink water, right before the alligator springs out of the water, throwing the hapless creature into a death roll.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen to that particular idiot.

Dirty Floors

Nasty dirty floors. They are my one weakness.

Remind me to be an obsessive cleaner. That's a good vice to have because then even the most anal will be comfortable in your home.

Sweet Caroline

For the first time since I can't even remember when, I checked her blog. Read almost every entry. It's kind of nice to read them because she writes just the way she talks, so I can just hear her relating these stories to me. Like she used to.

I don't think you even have a link to this, but I'll adress it to you anyway. You were always clever about stalking people on the internet, so maybe you'll find your way here.

You asked about how I know what's the right direction, or if I'm doing the right thing. I don't, but sometimes you have to dive in head first to find out how deep the water is. I didn't know what would happen when I held up my right hand and swore to defend the constitution, or when I first got off the bus to OCS. I didn't know I'd end up back at home four weeks later, barely able to walk around the house. But I sure am glad I went. I found out what I was capable of (ie- finishing a 3 mile FARTLEK run while hyperventilating most of the way). Sometimes you have to do things even if you're afraid of the outcome.

Like with you. I didn't know that first time I picked up the phone to call you, Sophomore year? that it would end in the e-mail screaming match of the decade. I'm glad I did, though. I learned that I was not the friend to you I could have been. For that, I'm sorry.

Don't be afraid to dive in. Even if it seems like the wrong outcome, you might be happier than you think in the long run.

This will get a title later.

I'm sitting here in Florida after a week on the road with Kevin. It was a great trip, I could live in a camper driving all over the country and be quite content for the rest of my life. That's why I need to start getting paid to either write, or take pictures. Something I can do anywhere.

Charlie Company 1st Platoon, OCC 195 is graduating at the end of this week. I am full of happiness for all the graduates, but sadness for myself. I know I'm missing out on something and I don't know if I'll ever get it back. I'm not sure I ever want to get it back. In the abstract I want to be a Marine. Face to face, I'm not so sure. I don't think I want to be that hard. I don't want to fight every step of the way for the rest of my life. But it is a beautiful life. Beautiful like driving through an empty desert. It's solitary and hard, sometimes excpetionally hot and then freezing cold within a matter of hours. Only the toughest learn to survive there, and there is honor in that. You get pride, the kind of pride that those who haven't experienced don't understand and never will.


Now I'm hungry and have tasks to accomplish.


Vote Obama.