"So how's your day going?" The customer's question is innocent enough. He's having a fine day. It doesn't occur to him that I spend day in and day out behind that register. Beautiful days like today are a waste for me. He doesn't realize that a customer just roller her eyes at me and shook her head disdainfully because I forgot to ask her if she wanted cash back before closing out the sale. That kind of treatment from someone who doesn't know that her debit card can also be run as a credit and doesn't get that the green button means "enter" and the red button with a large "X" on it means "cancel". Yes, I'm the airhead between the two of us. And this is how I get treated on beautiful days where I can't even go outside.

It's certainly not like this all the time, not even for the majority of customers. Most are amicable and understanding people. It's that constant 5% who just never fully get it, never stop to look outside of their own sad little lives, who make work an exercise in Chinese torture.

I was at OCS long enough to be broken down, but not to be built back up. I came home a broken person, physically and mentally. One sour turn of events after another hasn't exactly contributed to my healing.

I used to be so strong, and now I lookin the mirror and I see this pathetic whiney girl who can no longer fix herself. When did I become this person? At what point to I pick myself up off the ground and shake the dirt off?

I'm sick of living like this. My life isn't what I thought it would be, but it isn't over. Time for a new plan.