THE DIFFERENCES IN THE MILITARY
US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Blue Falcon, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED
STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army,
because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over
waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any
form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a
valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by
their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other
services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me
and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After
completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating,
Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I
will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to
clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will
annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me
God!"
____________________
Signature
____________________
Date
US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my otherwise mediocre life to
the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the
ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines,
and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear
camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I
can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my
uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to
tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill
Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will
see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact
that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain
that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of
my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a
different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I
did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk
around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will
make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for
a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I
will continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look
of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will
arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave
everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will
undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job up! on
separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from
high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000
for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a
placement exam. So Help Me God!"
_____________________
Signature
_____________________
Date
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of
my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with
Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought
the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually
live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to
swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in
1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants
I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man
during summer,! and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will
strive to use a different language than the rest of the
English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover,
geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor,
wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will
take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and
insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely
different from the other services and make absolutely no sense
whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning
unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up
around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point
that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and
still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently
busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected
for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite
possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me
Neptune!"
______________________
Signature
______________________
Date
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize),
swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt...
kill....burn....blowup....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....sailors
wives ....whiskey....grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me God!
X____________________
Thumb Print
XX _________________________________
Teeth Marks
_____________________
Date
No comments:
Post a Comment