Things? What things? A few eyes search each other out, hoping for some kind of hint. The Sergeant then begins a monotone “discussion” about fraternization and inappropriate behavior.
The logical conclusion would be that she is referring to inappropriate relationships between females, Sergeants socializing with Lance Corporals and the like. She did say this was only for females, right? Only females are being accused of fraternizing.
But she’s not.
She’s talking about our “behavior” with males. We have been witnessed sitting in common rooms alone together, talking in the stairwells and generally liking each other too much. Our conclusion is wrong. This is about us. The others. The females.
Clearly, our fellow Marines can have nothing to do with this discussion on fraternization because clearly they have nothing to do with it. Expect being the partner in crime. Fraternization requires more than one person, yet this Sergeant seems to think it is the work of mastermind Eves drawing men into their traps.
Before I came into the Corps, I assumed that the sexism I’d heard so much about would be at the hands of men. That assumption has been wrong every step of the way. It was put to me very plainly by a Staff Sergeant at Camp Geiger:
“What do you guys want to talk about today?” he asked in one of our afternoon discussion hours.
“Staff Sergeant,” I piped in, “I’d like to know why the females here get treated so different from the males.”
He arched a brow and shifted uncomfortably, “What do you mean?”
“Well, we don’t have any of the same liberties. They are allowed regular smoke breaks, they get to go to the vending machines, they have unlimited time for chow, they get to take naps during the day. We don’t. Our instructors play games with us and the males are just treated better. Why?”
“Well that’s not us,” he was referring to the male instructors around him, who seldom interacted with the female platoon, “that’s you!”
The realization hit me like a ton of bricks: it’s not male Marines treating females like dirt out of misogyny; females are doing this to each other.
I had been filled with hope and a sense of closeness when female Sergeant G had gruffly told all the females in our platoon to come to her with any problems we might have. “Don’t go to the males. They don’t know what to do with you and they’re just going to laugh at you.”
Cut to a week later-
Me: “Excuse me, Sergeant…”
Sgt. G: “What.”
Me: “I was supposed to get my meds yesterday and…”
Sgt. G: “WHAT THE HELL? I DON’T CARE GO AWAY.”
An hour later I approached the affable and charming Sergeant P, a male who reminded me of my brother.
Me: “Sergeant, if I need to get meds, what should I do?”
Sgt. P: “Did you tell anyone?”
Me: “Yes, Sergeant.”
He thinks for a moment then smiles and looks down, literally biting his tongue, “You told Sergeant G?’
Me: “Yes, Sergeant.”
He nods, smiling broader, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.” And he did.
Was this the male I wasn’t supposed to approach with my problems because he would laugh at me and turn me away? Was she the female who would be there to support me like an older sister?
I’ll never forget the constant reminders my drill instructors gave us at recruit training: we are not female Marines, we are Marines. No qualifier. It came as a great shock to me upon arrival to this Marine Detachment (det) when I was informed that we have “females only” values discussions on a regular basis. One of the biggest topics in these discussions (called “PME’s”) is about how our male counterparts view us as something “other”.
How exactly is having little girl-talks to which other Marines are not welcome going to help dispel the sense of otherness that plagues female Marines?
Ladies, you’re doing this to yourselves. You’ve made a special club with secret meetings and secret codes. There is nothing that an NCO should say to me that she should not say to a male Marine. If there are special health concerns that are unique to females, then males need to understand those as well. One day these male Marines may have one or two females in their charge. What are they supposed to do when such a female has a problem and they have never had any mature and in-depth discussions with females?
As long as females continue to consider themselves to be something other, then male Marines will follow suit. If you want to be one Marine Corps, then it starts with inclusion. A Marine is a Marine. We don’t have short Marines only meetings, we don’t have Hispanic Marines only meetings, and we shouldn’t have female Marines only meetings.
"They (Women Marines) don't have a nickname, and they don't need one. They get their basic training in a Marine atmosphere, at a Marine Post. They inherit the traditions of the Marines. They are Marines." - LtGen Thomas Holcomb, USMCCommandant of the Marine Corps, 1943
4 comments:
Interesting points, but I think a bit presumptuous - how do you know the male Marines aren't/weren't spoken to with regards to proper behavior? Even if not as a group, it's likely male Marines are provided "guidance" on appropriate behavior, dress, customs/courtesies, etc. Perhaps not in a formal setting or during a group discussion, but likely on an individual basis. Also, good leadership should be gender/sex-neutral..."don't go to the males" is not good leadership. A Marine should be able to approach any leader, or fellow Marine, for assistance/guidance/advice/whatever, despite gender of either.
I concur that a lecture about appropriate behavior, dress, courtesies, fraternization, or any other such topic, should be addressed to all Marines, not just the females or males. You're dead one - it takes two to tango, why leave out the other party?
Great post, though, and good points! Something others can learn from....keep writing.
Thanks for the comment! To address your questions, I can be presumptuous because I live here with the males! They are just not that good about keeping secrets, haha.
They do get their share of gender-specific talks, but more along the lines of "keep in in your pants/don't have sex in the building" than what we were getting.
I think you may have blown the whole discussion out of proportion. I have been in many of those "female discussions" as well in my time in the Marine Corps. Heck within the first week of checking-in at my first duty station a female Sergeant gave me this 3 hour long speech about why I should not be a whore.. Keep in mind I was married and spent all of my time with my family outside of work. Only to find out a few months later that she was the biggest whore in the battalion. She lived in the barracks and probably 50% of the males in the barracks had slept with or done other sexual things with her, along with most of the other females in the barracks.
Through my time I have learned to listen to the talks and then occasionally have a few of them with my young female Marines. I have always felt it easier to talk to a female about some things that I know guys just don't want to be bothered by. I have worked with a bunch of male chauvinistic pigs that were completely against females being in the Marine Corps. When I was deployed I had the pleasure of working with Males that didn't even know there were females in the Marine Corps. Their first time seeing a female Marine in uniform was on a convoy in the middle of the desert.
I have also had the pleasure (sarcasm) of being eye fucked every second I was in the chow hall, and approached by many of male Marines, junior and senior, officer and enlisted that just expected me to frolic of with them and have sex. Not in a million years boys...
Yes a good leader should be the person you can talk to whenever you need to rather you like that person on a personal level or not. I have had many late nights talking to Marines male and female about issues that are very personal in nature, I have talked Marines out of suicide just by lending them my ear and helping them through their problems. Not all of these Marines have I liked on a personal level, but it was my duty as a senior leader to help them out.
As you grow in the Marine Corps you will encounter a lot of things you like and a lot of things you don't like. The main thing is to take the good from each leader and use it, but just pay no mind to the things they do that you do not agree with. Don't bash them for their leadership style because maybe they were not brought up with good leaders, and maybe they are still learning and trying to figure out their leadership style.
Keep charging young Devil Dog!
Semper Fi!
Thanks for the comment!
This post was more about my surprise at how in-your-face the sexism is from females in the Marines against each other. I came in fully expecting to get crap from men about being a female, but I never expected to have so many females who are supposed to be leaders who are just as sexist against themselves.
It hasn't been the majority of female leadership I've encountered, not by a long shot. But it has been enough to make me wonder if we are actually making the situation worse.
Post a Comment