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I officially began talks with the Florida OSO today, to begin the process of building a strong relationship and seriously get myself back into the program. Naturally the eager Lieutenant immediately pushed for having me sign a PLC contract next week for this coming summer.

When I returned home in defeat in June, I felt like an idiot. Really, I knew when I signed that contract that I would not be physically ready to complete OCS in time. And I know it now. Beyond the shadow of a doubt I know I could have a first class PFT by the end of this month, but that isn't the point. Having a first class PFT does not a ready candidate make. It doesn't make me better able to hump 40 pounds of gear, it doesn't make me better able to be on my feet all day every day bearing weight, and it doesn't make me better able to run at a pace faster than a 9 minute mile. It just means I can complete a first class PFT.

The Lieutenant's desperation increased when he realized that OCC slots are 20 deep in a wait list for the summer of 2009 and PLC slots haven't been opened yet. Basically, if I don't go this summer I may not end up going until 2010. Frankly, I can wait. To me, this is almost like trying to be sane about getting a tattoo. If you are really serious about the tattoo, then does it matter if you get it tomorrow or five years from now? No, because in your heart of hearts you know it's the one for you.

If I go this summer, I will see a repeat of last May. I don't know if I will recover from that kind of failure again. However, if I wait, for years if necessary, and go when I am athletic enough to compete, I won't fail again. As Tristin said, I need to do this on my terms now. I went on their terms before, and it backfired. This time I'm going to go when my body is ready to handle that kind of punishment. I can put off my degree and go next summer as a PLC candidate, or if those slots fill up too fast (no reason they should) I can simply wait. OCS isn't going anywhere. It's what I keep saying, it's the advice I keep giving. It's time I listen to my own advice.