Come on to my house

So, I'm sitting here watching a gem of a reality competition called "The Search for the Next Elvira". I'm sure you can put the competition together just based on that information. Now who is competing on it??? Bridget! My personal favorite of Hef's ladies.



No joke, I want to be her when I grow up. She has a Master's Degree, but isn't a know it all (in fact is so damn chipper she gives off the impression she's not that smart). She is sweet to everyone, the type of person to act incredibly excited over a gift she absolutely hates. She doesn't gossip or talk badly about other people. She doesn't judge. She's not bone thin but still very sexy. She puts her heart and soul into every gift she gives. And like this Elvira thing, she has the confidence to put herself out there and try something wacky, regardless of how people might view it.

Yup, I have a straight girl crush on her.

I put my teeth marks on the Marine one.

THE DIFFERENCES IN THE MILITARY


US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Blue Falcon, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED
STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army,
because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over
waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any
form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a
valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by
their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other
services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me
and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After
completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating,
Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I
will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to
clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will
annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me
God!"

____________________
Signature
____________________
Date


US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my otherwise mediocre life to
the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the
ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines,
and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear
camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I
can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my
uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to
tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill
Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will
see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact
that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain
that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of
my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a
different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I
did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk
around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will
make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for
a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I
will continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look
of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will
arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave
everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will
undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job up! on
separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from
high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000
for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a
placement exam. So Help Me God!"

_____________________
Signature
_____________________
Date


US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of
my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with
Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought
the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually
live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to
swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in
1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants
I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man
during summer,! and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will
strive to use a different language than the rest of the
English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover,
geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor,
wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will
take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and
insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely
different from the other services and make absolutely no sense
whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning
unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up
around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point
that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and
still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently
busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected
for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite
possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me
Neptune!"

______________________
Signature
______________________
Date


US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize),
swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt...
kill....burn....blowup....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....sailors
wives ....whiskey....grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me God!

X____________________
Thumb Print
XX _________________________________
Teeth Marks
_____________________
Date

Scars

A young man came into my store today. His medium reg hair cut and square jaw were what first caught my attention. He wore standard business clothes and was accompanied by similarly dressed males, though none quite had his presence. Marines, whether you like it or not, you have an aura. Especially the veterans. It never goes away, even after you've been a civilian for years. This young man came through my line and had scars on his cheek I've only ever seen on Marines who've seen action in Iraq or Afghanistan. Like random bits of metal and rock had once, recently, sliced into his skin. Needless to say, his eyes were much older than his face. I began to wonder about him; what he had done and seen, how exactly he was adjusting to civilian life, if he was perhaps still in the reserves (hence his attachment to that super hair cut). Was his life turning out the way he expected? Was he happy now, or did he feel that strange detatchment from others that often overtakes veterans? He'll probably never be back, so I guess I'll never know. I do hope he finds peace one day.

Movie Review: The Kingdom

Well, my readers (all three of you) know about my taste for destruction, so The Kingdom was a natural choice for me to see this weekend. And boy, was I ever not disappointed.

One it starts, it doesn't stop. It doesn't waste time with a lot of backstory, just a run-down of American and Saudi relations throughout the 20th century and now. In fact, there almost wasn't enough backstory. I did have some trouble following who was who, but who cares? We all know from Alias that everyone likes watching Jennifer Garner kicking ass, and that's what you get in the last half hour or so of the film.

Jamie Fox and Chris Cooper (Jarhead buddies) return to reprise almost the same roles in The Kingdom. If it works, it works.

I read one review in the OC Post that lambasted the film for it's pro-American overtones (undertones are too subtle), saying that the film boils down to white guy vs. brown guy. Frankly, I didn't see it that way. Half the heroes of the movie are Saudi's, including Saudi royalty. They even made a point of humanizing the bad guys.

The movie lacks the subtle finesse of the film greats, but when you are paying $8 a ticket for entertainment, The Kingdom delivers. It obviously wants you to feel pity for the innocent American children who had their softball game blown up (no joke) and it obviously wants to make a point that this isn't about color. It was about revenge and blowing stuff up. Get your popcorn and soda and enjoy.

I'm sorry

My heart hurts right now. It aches for that feeling I had, the first time I sat down to dinner with you. The first time we laughed together over Family Guy. The first time we kissed. The first time you told me you loved me. My heart aches to feel all that again. But I don't, and the absence leaves me with a gaping hole.

As I sit here reliving the past hour or two, I keep wondering if I've just made the biggest mistake of my life, or if I've just saved us from making the biggest mistakes of our lives. I wanted so badly for you to be the one. But I don't think you are, just as I don't think I'm the one for you. And it breaks my heart.

I guess I'm sorry isn't the right phrase. I'm not sorry for all the happiness you filled my life with, or for how you helped me see that there are better things out there and I don't have to just accept what's given to me. I'm sorry for any time I've caused you pain, especially now. I wish so badly that things could be different. Perhaps with time, they will be. But not now.

I'm sorry.


I love you.

Hey, Farva!

Love It.

It's really funny to hear two different versions of the same story, especially when one story-teller is famous for her ability to make nothing her fault and blame everyone but herself for her problems.

Speaking of people who have no concept of reality, I just love hearing people go on and on about how much their lives suck when in fact I can one up them on every complaint. Such as, listening to civilian girls moan about how their boyfriends live...gasp, three hours away! How, oh how will they ever deal with long distance?? Cry me a river. Wait untl you find yourself selling off your things just to pay off debt (and I mean real debt, not a few overdraft fees). Wait until members of your family are dying off in mass, usually unexpected deaths, or are ending up prematurely and permanently crippled.

I could go on, but I'm not going to. There isn't a whole lot of point. I know there are people out there who are worse off than I am right now.

Remember kids: it can always get worse. I could be living in a box, I could have just lost my entire family in a freak accident, I could have a terminal illness.

It can always be worse, so shut the hell up and keep trucking.